Sunday, July 24, 2011

Its been 6 years...

I've been wanting to write this post since I returned from my trip to Washington in May but I wanted to wait for the right time. This trip was about more than seeing my family I hadn't seen in many years... it was also about saying goodbye to my Granny. I wasn't there to say goodbye before she passed away July 25, 2005 and I wasn't there for her funeral. I have always felt bad about that but I couldn't afford the trip up there and my mom and I couldn't come to an agreement on the amount of time I would spend up there if she paid for my flight. So Jeff and I spent the afternoon of her funeral together here in Arkansas.

I was never given a photo of the niche my Granny and Poppa's ashes are in and I really didn't know where they were at in the cemetery either. So the day before I left Washington Jeff and I took some time to drive out there and say my goodbyes.

The feeling of walking through the mausoleum was unexplainable... it was like searching for someone in a crowded place not knowing where you are going to find them. I remember sinking to the floor when I did find them. Jeff sat with me there for a few minutes and held me while I cried broke down... and then he left to get the car while I took some time to talk to them.

 I will spare you the details of my conversation... mostly because they are words only Jeff and God will hear me say because they are so personal... and also because I can't bear to repeat them at this moment. But I saw this beautiful niche and thought my mom and sister did a great job setting it up. And I thought how much that picture of my Granny reminded me of Judy Garland and how strong and handsome my Poppa looked.
 I thought of how much I love them... and how much they loved me. How much I miss them... her laugh... her smile and her amazing hugs.

 It was raining when we left. Kind of fitting for how I was feeling. And while Jeff was waiting for me in the car he took a moment to find my favorite radio station - KLOVE and we just listened to the music.

But what I found most amazing was that God chose that day to open my heart to hear the words of a song that I had been listening to for weeks in a totally different way. The song is "Homesick" by Mercy Me (another one of my favorites). I don't think I need to go into detail about how I heard these words that day because if you read the lyrics you will understand.


  1. Mom and I were just talking the other day about how you never told us what you thought about the niche. We never sent you a pic because we never took one.

  2. You see those dogwood flowers around the poem?? I drew those. The doilies actually belonged to Granny.

  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've missed way to many of my families funerals too. It's really tough sometimes to live so far from home. I love that song-thanks for sharing it with us. Take care.