Its been 6 years...

I've been wanting to write this post since I returned from my trip to Washington in May but I wanted to wait for the right time. This trip was about more than seeing my family I hadn't seen in many years... it was also about saying goodbye to my Granny. I wasn't there to say goodbye before she passed away July 25, 2005 and I wasn't there for her funeral. I have always felt bad about that but I couldn't afford the trip up there and my mom and I couldn't come to an agreement on the amount of time I would spend up there if she paid for my flight. So Jeff and I spent the afternoon of her funeral together here in Arkansas.

I was never given a photo of the niche my Granny and Poppa's ashes are in and I really didn't know where they were at in the cemetery either. So the day before I left Washington Jeff and I took some time to drive out there and say my goodbyes.

The feeling of walking through the mausoleum was unexplainable... it was like searching for someone in a crowded place not knowing where you are going to find them. I remember sinking to the floor when I did find them. Jeff sat with me there for a few minutes and held me while I cried broke down... and then he left to get the car while I took some time to talk to them.

 I will spare you the details of my conversation... mostly because they are words only Jeff and God will hear me say because they are so personal... and also because I can't bear to repeat them at this moment. But I saw this beautiful niche and thought my mom and sister did a great job setting it up. And I thought how much that picture of my Granny reminded me of Judy Garland and how strong and handsome my Poppa looked.

 I thought of how much I love them... and how much they loved me. How much I miss them... her laugh... her smile and her amazing hugs.

 It was raining when we left. Kind of fitting for how I was feeling. And while Jeff was waiting for me in the car he took a moment to find my favorite radio station - KLOVE and we just listened to the music.

But what I found most amazing was that God chose that day to open my heart to hear the words of a song that I had been listening to for weeks in a totally different way. The song is "Homesick" by Mercy Me (another one of my favorites). I don't think I need to go into detail about how I heard these words that day because if you read the lyrics you will understand.